I write in a journal occasionally. Glancing over recent entries I saw this meditation report and thought it would be interesting to share. That particular evening I was drinking tea and getting ready for sleep, but felt an anxiety attack coming on. Such a thing would keep me up for hours as thoughts would spiral inward on an obsessive-paranoia track. Sleep would bring rage dreams.
Instead, I settled myself in a sitting position in my pillows and checked my breathing pattern. My thought focus was the hermetic Principle of Rhythm, rising above the pendulum swing of emotion. As my body dropped into a relaxed state, the following formed...
Raging river tossing about through a gorge on its way to the sea. A solid stone bridge arched over the frothy water, as solid as the bedrock from which it was formed yet covered in scroll work and interwoven knots. I sat in a lotus position at the apex of the bridge. Serenely I watched the river and understood this to represent struggle and difficulty. At first it seemed to be only my own but I soon realized it was all struggle.
I began to see people frantically thrashing about in the river and I wanted to throw them rope life-lines. However, one end needed to be secured to something for them to be able to pull out of the water. Immediately noted that I could help a couple personally but doing so would quickly pull me down as well. Projections appeared jutting out from the bridge that I could secure the ropes to. These represented different aspects of support: faith, family, compassion, forgiveness, and more. I can offer tools and direction but cannot be personally invested in others' struggles and outcomes.
I noticed I had my own line but that it was not attached to the bridge. Among the field of stars behind me that held the Gods, my line went directly to Her. It appeared not as a rope, but a silver-grey cord. As I watched, it encased me fully in a shimmering second skin. Completely at peace, I turned back to the river. Several fellow priests, of Hers and Others, joined me on the bridge. We stood in solidarity. There is much work to be done.
I rose to awareness just enough to resettle into a comfortable position to sleep. Anxiety was completely erased. The next morning the vision was just as clear and I wrote it down, though the significance of virtually every piece didn't settle in immediately.
This was a fresh reminder of maintaining boundaries while assisting other people in their journeys. It is just that: maintenance. When I'm not certain where that lies, I know I can look to my Goddess for direction. Just being able to break out of the anxiety spiral is incredibly important. Frequently this past year I've been getting a distinct message: get your shit together, there is no time for you to waste. Doing so is not necessarily easy or simple, but oh-so-worth it. I'm excited for what's next!
photo credit: Daleberts via photopin cc
photo credit: Fabio Ricco via photopin cc